just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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