I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
