Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
