I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's blow job season.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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