Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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