I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
