holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
