If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
