Non-Jews are for practice
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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