i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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