She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
