at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
