Yo dont text me then not text me
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He felt like a one man threesome
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
