Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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