dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
