if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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