So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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