She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
