so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
