I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
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Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
