lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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