So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
there is glitter all over my balls
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
