Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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