You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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