i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
