Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
