someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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