My room smells like vodka and shame
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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