even my farts smell like vagina
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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