you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
soo... how was my night?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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