Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize