I hate all girls vehemently.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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