I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
