you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
