fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
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