I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
