every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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