He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
