Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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