Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize