I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
