I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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