I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
