My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
