So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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