I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
