Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
