people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
