I can't watch pbs sober anymore
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
