I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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