just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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