Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
