I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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