Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
