So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
