I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
