I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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