hotel room ftw
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
