I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
