This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
