she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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