If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
