I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
