1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
