the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
