...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
cat food counts as protein by the way
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
