Plan B is the new Plan A
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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