Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
