Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
