No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize