Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
