a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize