So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
