Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize