i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
