whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
