after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
