I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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