ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
