Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
