You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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