hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
