could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
