I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
