my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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