She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
