It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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