sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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