It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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