He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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