If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
