Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
