We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
