I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
