After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
