I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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