You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
