my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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