so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
