I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Randomize
