You just made me feel so damn special
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
