I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
