I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
