she looked like the before picture.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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