his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
