Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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