What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Someone shattered a urinal.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
