90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
