if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize