We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
