I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
