Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
