I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
