I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
