I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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