I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
