he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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