Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
