dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We need to get me chipped asap
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize