my being single is dangerous.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
