Don't you send me to vm
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize