I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
